Oh God! How am I to do this? Where should I begin to write?
As I pick up my pen to write an introduction, I feel as though there is pain in each and every cell of my body. How am I to put into words the pain and suffering that I have experienced with this devil? This pain isn't even worth boasting about, so how much of it will I be able to candidly communicate here?
It happened as I was about to leave for Australia.
I was preparing the manuscript for a book titled, "The God Who Found Me." In this manuscript I summarized just the essence of the love that God had given me during the nearly 30 years He was beside me and taught me far more than even my physical parents. As I was about to finish this manuscript, I pledged to myself that someday I would publish a book about Satan. That is how I came to stand in the position where I am today.
Before I came into the Will, I was a member of the Catholic Church, and my mother was a person who spent her entire life praying in the Protestant Church. I had many unanswered questions regarding my faith, but had no way of resolving these. Also, these were not questions that were easily resolved.
For a time I was a teacher, and I came to know about the Principle through the parents of one of my students. I listened to Divine Principle lectures for ten days. I was truly amazed. It was as though I was learning a new formula for my life. Yet, it was not easy for me to change my religious affiliation. Every Sunday, I was in such great torment I could hardly stand it. I struggled for seven months, and finally changed my religion. The ten days of Divine Principle lectures changed my life. My mother, who had spent her entire life in prayer, had said in her prayers, "May my son accomplish the work that I have left undone." Until then, I had the nickname "Smiley." After this, though, I never smiled.
It is a memory that I don't even want to recall. In spite of this, I write these words in hope that evil will be banished forever from the Earth and that everything will return to the original countenance and original position desired by God.
I don't even want to count back to see which year it was. Satan tormented me ruthlessly for three years, and then finally attempted to kill me. He grabbed hold of my stomach so that I could not eat. It took the longest time for me to eat even a spoonful of food. It often happened that I would swallow my food too quickly. I would start to have trouble breathing, and it took a great deal of effort to get the food into my stomach. Every time this happened, my husband would massage my stomach and pray for me. I remember the expression on his face - tense and anxious that Satan might take his wife away from him. He looked yellowish, and beads of sweat fell from him as he held me and prayed with all his might as though he sensed that I was about to take my last breath. I don't even want to recall the pain that we suffered as husband and wife during this struggle. We would struggle like this for about an hour before Satan would leave. It would have been nice if that were the end of it. I was admitted to hospitals as often as four times in a single year. Satan tried every possible way to kill me.
One year, God commanded me to visit a number of prayer chapels located in various places. Then, one day He specified a particular chapel and commanded me to go there. He told me to remain there for forty days. This command came as a complete surprise to me. This was a place that was difficult for me to stay even four days - no not even one day - much less forty. Yet, He wanted me to stay there for forty days. I stamped my feet, and said, "You ask too much of me." It was a command from God, so I decided that I would obey, even if it meant that I would lose my life. I wonder whether there could be any place on Earth that was as horrible as this. It was a place so terrible that I could barely bring myself to look at it with my eyes open. There were patients with severe cases of abdominal edema, people missing arms, people missing feet, people whose mouths had caved into their faces, people with tubes connected to their noses, people whose faces had become contorted, people whose complexion had turned dark and who seemed to have nothing left but skin and bones, and people who used their entire bodies to roll around. I saw children with pitiful bodies. I saw people whose faces and noses had all been twisted out of shape. I was dismayed at the sight at these horrific sights. Even more difficult for me was that I had to worship together with these people. The smell of rotting flesh was worse than at a fish market. There was something even more fearful. Dead bodies were being carried away here and there, all around me.
I could hear them making their final agonizing cries of, "Oh God," "Oh Lord," and "Please, save me." It was pandemonium. I would see people one day in pitiful conditions with expressions of deep anxiety, who would disappear in a day or two. I wonder how God received the final prayers of these people. How was I going to spend 40 days observing this pitiful sight? None of the spoons and dishes used for these peoples' meals were being sterilized. People were in such hurry to eat that they would simply wash the dishes before reusing them. I had no idea how I was going to gain control over my personality and my environment in this situation.
I wondered what possible purpose God could have in placing me in this situation of incredible death. "Please accept me just as I am," I prayed. "Where do you intend to use me that You should give me such suffering as this?" It was a series of untold number of days of tears and pain. How am I to record on paper the pain my husband felt as he left his wife in this place, separating and rending asunder our small family of just three people?
I barely managed to complete my 40 days amidst this confusion and suffering. I thought to myself that since the following day would be my forty-first, surely God would tell me, "Leave this place." And sure enough, at exactly five minutes past midnight on the fortieth day. God spoke to me saying, "You should leave this place at once." I replied, "God, I will leave here in the morning." God grabbed hold of me and comforted me. He spoke to me in tears, saying, "My loving child, I don't want you to have to stay in this place even five minutes longer. Leave quickly. But my loving child, my child, my child, there is one thing that you must be sure to remember. You can forget everything else that happened in this place. But there is one thing that you must learn from this. You must gain an understanding of the real nature of Satan. This place represents the reality of Hell. Satan has taken all my children and defiled them. But I must take care of them and cure them." God comforted me for the various ways in which He had given me difficulty. He repeatedly emphasized, "You have to realize this before you go. You have to see this before you go." And He cried very sorrowfully. God expressed great sorrow that His child had had to suffer, and told me, "Leave this place at five minutes past midnight." I escaped from that Hell, leaving God behind. God does not hesitate to be with His children in the midst of suffering, and is determined to treat their injuries and diseases.
Now, it is my intention to report an incident in which Satan attacked me directly. I have previously testified to the spiritual experiences that I had during the three years period I spent visiting various churches. Each time, Satan would stand on my shoulders and jump off from a high place and stomp all over me. This was his attempt to prevent me from going to the meeting place. Whenever I stood on the stage and began talking about the spiritual world, Satan would pinch both my cheeks. He even tried to put his hand over my mouth to try and stop me from speaking. As I stood on the stage, he would even push me backward. I would grab the podium firmly with both hands, or in many cases I would spread many cushions in the rear of the stage before I went on stage. This existence of Satan cannot be compared with that of any devil on earth. He is a deceiver, liar, and he does not even the smallest amount of moral integrity.
The three members of our family went through a lot during the period leading up to the publication of Dr. Sang Hun Lee's previous book, "The Reality of Spirit World and Life on Earth." One night, God woke me from my sleep softly, and said, "My loving child, do not be afraid. Satan is railing that he will do what ever it takes to kill you. So in order to keep you alive I have switched your suffering with that of your son. As long as you stay alive, your son can recover. I know this will make your heartache, but you must be patient."
I yelled at Satan, saying, "Satan, you devil! Where do you think you're going? You are my enemy. Are you completely blind?" Satan, though, paid me no attention. Myanger was not resolved.
During the time that I was reporting the content of the book titled, "Lucifer, A Criminal against Humanity," I was forced to endure countless hours of lamentation and indignant anger. God, Dr. Sang Hun Lee, my husband, and I were together in experiencing this indignant anger and pain. At the end of this book, where Lucifer writes letters to God and to True Parents begging their forgiveness, Satan needed to shed desperate tears and repent. But he did not do this. Instead he was without emotion, remorse, or tears. His attitude was that he was writing these letters only because he was forced into a situation where he had no other choice. In particular, he refused for a long time to write the letter of apology to humankind. During the forty days it took me to finish reporting this manuscript, my health declined terribly. I continued the task, however, determined that I had to live at least long enough to finish the manuscript. Will Satan compensate me for the pain and suffering that I experienced during this time?
At the end of each day, I would hide the portion of the manuscript I had transcribed during that day. Now I want to express the anger that has been building up inside me, and kick out this devil Satan forever. In the end, God told me, "My loving child, you have really suffered. But you are not the only one. It hasn't been easy for Sang Hun to communicate this content. He cried aloud as the looked into every corner of Hell. He cried and cried. He embraced Heung-Jin Nim, and cried endlessly. You have no idea how much time that Sang Hun spent in prayer and in anguish, trying to keep me from having to see these terrible scenes. In his relationship to me, Sang Hun has walked the way of a loyal subject and filial son. You are not the only one who has had a difficult time."
"God," I said, "it's true isn't it that the end of evil history is now behind us and that a new morning, the new day of your eternal world, has dawned?" I didn't expect God to answer my question.
God concluded by saying that Dr. Sang Hun Lee has completed his final mission as a person who has arrived in spirit world. When I understood the depth of Dr. Lee's devotion and heart to God and True Parents, it made me feel very small and ashamed in comparison. Let all of us now be liberated from Satan. In doing so, let's build God's eternal world of peace and happiness, where there is no poverty or disease. I made this determination for myself as I remembered the unpleasant experiences and memories of that period. I sincerely hope that all those facing the trials of disease and hardship will now be able to lead lives as beautiful as the peony blossom that blooms in April. I hope that we may breathe in the warm spring air, and rise up to make our break through.
A letter to Father
This is Sang Hun Lee. I believe you have been in perfect health during the intervening time. I offer my sincere congratulations to you on the victory of the 360 million couple blessing and the blessing of Hyo-Jin Nim.
Father, I received a command from God just prior to the 360 million couple blessing. He told me, "You must now reveal the true nature of Lucifer to all humanity and resolve all the pain of the history that had a wrong beginning." He also said, "Work quickly to resolve all the things that True Parents must do while they are on Earth."
Father, I again offer to you content that I have put together. I ask that you please read it. Please point out those portions that are wrong, and scold me.
I now offer to you the content that I have put together in accordance with God's command.
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